The car pulls up in the car park and I feel his hand
softly squeeze my knee. I look down at my knotted fingers feeling dread and
sickness swimming in the pit of my stomach, a sense of guilt washes over me as
I watch others walking and laughing as they enter the house which is lit up
like Christmas. Flashing rope lights and twinkling tree lights pave the way to
a new and exciting lifestyle. I look over to him.
“I can’t do this... I can’t go in.” Panic etched in
my voice.
“Just try ok.” He replies softly.
I take a deep breath and close my eyes trying to
clear the rock that is rolling around my stomach. I open the car door and step out. I flatten out
my dress and smooth down my hair. I take a tentative step but wobble on my
heels as I try and navigate the gravelled drive. I hear people talking and laughing
with each other somewhere in the distance even though they are only a few feet
away from me. I make my way over to more
suitable footing, gasping for breath and fending off a panic attack.
“I can’t do this” I repeat quietly. Standing looking
at the house where everyone else is headed.
“Ok. You absolutely
sure? We've come this far.” I stand and look around for a minute, breathing
deeply looking at the summerhouses that are seductively decorated.
We had discussed it over and over again.
We had made the decision together.
We had thrashed out the boundaries.
I take a deep breath and look over at him. “Ok let’s
do this. But you better buy me a stiff drink.” I pull my shoulders back and
begin to walk with just the right determination towards the house.
This was it.
This was the moment.
This was my night, our night.
A night of pure unadulterated sex with whomever we
wanted.
A night to change us forever.
To be continued.....
